And so my waking found its end, only to be found amongst the dirtiest selves, my friend...

Wake up, smell the coffee (or lack thereof), grab some appropriate pants and walk out into the gloomy corridor... slide down the same staircase that welcomes you every single day with a promise of nothingness and a smell of reddy orange to it.

Stride along the staff offices and wave a sleepy hi to the people behind the screens (kinda reminding you of that Orwell scene... but you swiftly blow the bubble-thought away).

Go out the door, careful not to lay a single step on the threshold (keeps up the spirits... literally speaking) and add an extra layer to your barefoot soles... solely stabilizing the lower part of your body-canvas that drags along the very bottom of your soul.
Get 'em flipflops on (those blue rubber bastards that bear tiny bits of your footy personality, they are in fact falling apart day by day).

Now you're out on the street, take a few more steps and turn 30 degrees to the right to give a subtle nod to the guard. R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
Say goodbye to the TEFL school building: three stories to an old novelistic compound of degrading grays and corinthian columnata (random architecture indeed, for a place like this).
Geckos slither from corner to corner and chase after bugs with an ethereal, inconspicuous air, melting away into the scenery as you move along. Mimesis... biology drives you nuts.

The ground has changed alright, sandy-wet little rocks erode into smaller and smaller pieces as you hear the crushing sounds that your shoes emit whenever applying a downward force upon them (do they complain whatsoever? fancy them having dreams of shrinking, I do sometimes).

You're humming that ol' song that's been superglued to your brain since last Saturday, but you don't mind. It's become the soundtrack of your life here in the land of the unforgiving (or was it unforgetting?) elephant people: Thailand.

"She wants to know, does everyone feel this way... when it rains in Asia..."

The ocean faces your left side as you turn to your right, freeing yourself from the spacially-psychological-sandwiching of various laundry shops, small restaurants and motorbike-renting spots on both sides of the narrow highway taking you to godknowswhere if you dare exploring more than what's legal (whatever that means).

You dodge several maniacal motorbike-drivers (these being 7-8 year olds or in better cases old women petting their dogs and not watching the road! casually). Your hear the doppler fading of the goose-like honking the locals tend to give to any foreign looking pedestrian, as you stare into the unusual writings of the several signs that decorate some of the adjacent shops. You have absolutely no idea of what those strange symbols mean, perhaps they say something like "foreign people suck". Guess you'll have to learn Thai to find out next chapter.

The palm trees oscillate from side to side as if dancing to the singing of the tidal waves, the same ones that incessantly brush the shoreline's long hair... You suddenly feel like running, so you grab hold of your headphones, place each ear piece on the corresponding orifice and begin to quicken your pace.

You feel the air thrust itself against the freckles on your face, as if trying to rub them off the very skin they've been drawn in (but they're fastened strong enough). A dog barks and howls as you pass by, but you pay no attention (even though the creep has already got on all 4's in a menacing gesture). You run past and clear the sweat off your forehead.

There goes the looney man with a bad arm that often enough pretends he is being crushed by one of those boats lying on one side of the road... He waves at you, and so does the sea at the other end... Waving away you proceed.

You enter the woody opening opposite to the shoreline that invites you in with a sign that says "forest trial" (literally so) and so a trial it is; treading through that trail of course.

Your feet gather up heat while the trees stare at your shady silhouette, never again to be seen on that exact moment in time.
The song that encloses the illuminated the setting is by the Friendly Fires (strangely adhoc) and your mood is lifted up a single notch; the perfect measure for a power jog around the huge block.

The sun waves goodbye as well, peacefully drowning into the horizon and giving way to the darkness that adds that extra mellow feel-flavour to the wrappings of each and every single day.


And this was supposed to be just an average walkabout. It never fucking is...

Ban Phe...

How to describe the place?
It is as difficult as it could be easy... depending on the weather... but anyhow, this is my version:
Ban Phe is like Acapulco, as in the PUEBLO, but submerged in a mixture of noodle soup, heaven blasting sunsets, stray dogs, and of course: a touch of whiskey looking liquor.

This place is like a wonderland of drowning shadows and everlasting blazes of light. One could burn it down or stretch it up until turning it into a completely different thing that paradoxically ends up being exactly what is started out to be. That's the way it is meant to charm you as well as puzzle your crack up. One cannot escape the place's ever evolving nature... it's insane and addictive.

Fortunately for me, a little pueblo-mexican who happens to own a cow named Cecilia (not really), it is never a hard time to cope with a spontaneous lapse of the seriously slow passing of time throughout the space continuum: meaning I don't get bored easily, and this specific geographical spot has got me visually tangled, intertwined and twisted along with its vocal chords, decomposing along with its gastric juices until further notice (or the end of the TEFL course). And I love it.

The mighty Asian sea on one side of the road, and on the other a Big Friendly Giant of greens and browns that covers up wonders that not only elephants dream of... garbage and gold altogether in a single plastic bucket of Sangsom rum.

And so the gateway to Koh Samet opens its jaws to the world of the Ban; the apparently sane slice of reality in which we choose to merge as if being part of fractalic wallpaper patterns.

It was then, that and here that I opened up my eyes.

CHAPTER 3: Ban Phe, Thailand

January 1st, Don Mueang National Airport, Bangkok Thailand.

That had done it! No more airplanes for this young lady! I was up to my nostrils of having to move my arse up 7 planes a day to get from one place to another. Thankfully, I had no other choice but to take a bus from Bangkok to Ban Phe for the simplest of reasons: there was no actual airport in Ban Phe! cheers. So it was land traveling time... bring it on!

I took another one of those eccentrically-electric pink cabs (this time asking for the freakin' meter-thing, not to get ripped off or anything) and the nice and chubby Thai driver (who spoke fluent English, by the way) took me all the way to the big bus station in Ekamai.

He drove like a maniac throughout all the possible shortcuts a city like Bangkok had to offer, but I didn't mind. Quite on the other hand: I actually enjoyed the speedy sightseeing of a place that somewhat reminded me of a noodle-museum (I know, random reference) my family and I once visited in downtown Tokyo... what I mean is that nowadays civilized Thailand probably resembles what Japan used to look like 50 years AGO. That's how it goes.

I got out the 4-wheeled gay machine, paid accordingly to what the numbers suggested on the green screen, next to the GPS and approached the info desk. I bought an expensive ticket to Ban Phe (thanks to a Japanese looking girl who translated the whole convo) and looked for the bus on aisle 30-something and a half.

I hopped on the bus, and put my huge backpack on the seat right next to me so that I'd improvise a nice and deformed pillow. And so the last of the first of all journeys began...
It was like a slideshow of shadowed scenes moving pacingly from the right to the left side of my window pane as I stared, peacefully motionless and comforted by the conscious feeling that reminded me that I was alright, I was alright afterall.

LITTLE DID I KNOW

After a series of wobbly hours I found myself in the midst of a SILENT bus... which meant it had already come to a total stop and also happened to be COMPLETELY EMPTY: utterly and totally vacant of earthly life (including the driver).
I suddenly panicked as the Jaws soundtrack began to crawl its way up from the back of my mind... but then something happened: the driver came back!
I ran towards this man and cried to him something like "are we in Ban Phe, mister?" "Where the hell is this place?!!!".
He freaked out a little (as he probably didn't expect to see any human remainders left inside the huge vehicle), but then laughed that kind of laugh every one does when they see me in a pickle.
"Yes, this Ban Phe hehe", "bus station"
I showed him the written address I was supposed to arrive at but he did not seem to recognize the place at all, not even the references... shite on a turtle!
So I said thanks and turned around to look for someone else I could interrogate thoroughly no matter the level of English of the person: I was ready to do or act out whatever I needed to get other Asian folk to "understand the words that are coming out of my mouth" like Jackie Chan once said in Rush Hour II.

I was in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the night, in the middle of Jesus' bellybutton, and I was scared shitless.

Then suddenly a young lady approached my Texas-chainsaw-massacre personal scene and offered some help: she took me to the nearest 7/11 (those things seem to roam about in every single corner of this country). There she asked for the address I'd given her and she got an answer!!
We got into her white little car along with her boyfriend and some other dudess, and ho! after 5 minutes of driving through no man's land in southern Thailand I found myself in front of the "SIAM ENGLISH INTERNATIONAL TEFL SCHOOL". Holy baloney! it did exist after all!

The guard was nice enough to point out my name out from a piece of paper he had lying around (random) and he gave me a key to one of the rooms. I took off my shoes and got inside, thanking the nice lady from a distance with a good old thumbs-up signal... she'd saved my life (again, someone always does).

WTF WTF! WTF!!!!!!

As I opened the door... one of the scariest moments of my life began to materialize in front of me: the room was hideous, awful, horrible... depressingly unwelcoming. The accomodation included a not so-friendly looking cockroach crawling across a little puddle that went all the way from the bathroom to the balcony door, and a closet full of spiderwebs as a side dish to the visual horrorshow buffet.

"What the hell did you just sign up for, little Xalli?"

I was so tired I just chased the animals out of the room with a stick, put my humongous bag on the bed and fell asleep almost automatically, as a means of mental defense mechanism, I suppose.

The next day I woke up to find a desolated floor that kind of reminded me of "The Shining" hotel (for you to get a picture of the situation). So I went downstairs and politely complained about the room to the staff dudes (I got changed to the second floor, where the room was smaller but WAY CLEANER and with fair enough functioning of the rest-room facilities).
After that I entered the room where my first TEFL course class had already started: I was looking at a group of people that looked as different as can get, but I did not have the chance of analyzing them properly due to the fact that the teacher was addressing my persona, underlining the fact that I was the last trainee to have entered the class... thankfully on time. Anyhow the light spot was on me, the Mexican, as usual.

We had a nice little session of meeting and greeting and so forth blah blah's and I found out I'd just met guys from Egypt, Jordan, USA, UK and the Philippines (to add up to the spice of nationalities, why not?). It was awesome!

To be continued...

CHAPTER 2: Seoul Airpot (Incheon)-Phuket Island

I woke up two hours later just to find this very exotic looking Korean flight attendant: she asked me what kind of meal I'd like to have, it was either a chicken omelette (typical) or a Korean dish. I chose the Korean one, because the lady at my left gave me the "ooo you better choose the Korean dish" kinda look: being a little person and all I can get easily intimidated by Korean old ladies, so I gave in.

Incheon airport is one of the most amazing places you can land in, I thought I was kind of dreaming when I got there, and in a way I still was (freakin' time zone changes jetlagging my arse off). So I stared at the vast tofu/ginseng shops with pure amazement. I guess that's why people kept looking at me as if I had come from another country, I mean, planet.

I slept a bit and wandered off as my senses allowed, either zombie walking through the enormous gates or just dozing away into light naps at the free wi-fi internet cafe. I dreamt of Korean elves and sugar canes, it was freakin' Yoko Ono-fluxus shit.

Anyways, we boarded the plane a thousand hours later just as I started to consciously digest the size of the whole thing: I was on my way to Bangkok (I kinda hate that name, gives me the giggles when breaking apart the word). REAL STUFF, AYE?

I will skip the flight part, which isn't that interesting really so let us diverge into the stream of facts that followed my arrival:

I got there, arms, legs, sarcasm and all and I picked up my bag at the spot I was supposed to (it's either that or I picked someone else's bag that had the exact same things I packed back home... yaw reckon) and I got into a cab, a PINK CAB.
The driver didn't speak very good english (what are the odds?) so I had a hard time pointing at the map of the hostel my dad so caringly downloaded for me (awww) AND THE MAN STILL DIDN'T KNOW WHERE TO GO! so he smiled one of those goofy "I've no clue what you're getting at but I'm taking your money anyway" sort of smiles and drove on into the darkness of the big and bright city that's named after I don't know what. Bang cock.

Just then he called one of his mates and stopped the car so that I could get into his mates' cab instead (why not?) because his "frwwend" so happened to be going somewhere where my hostel was... riiight.
I got suspicious and lifted my left eyebrow just a little (the powerful one), but I carried on.
The other driver was much nicer and spoke better "eangleijhh". AND better YET! he turned on the music and JASON MRAZ was on (I know, pathetic) so I sang along "butterfly" in my head the rest of the way to the place I was to stay... for the night (rhymin' alrighto).

I arrived, payed the dude (humming Jason still lalala) and stepped into the hostel that was named "I don't remember how" or something like that.

GOOD NIGHT BANGKOK

Next day I woke up to the annoying stings of silent ninja mosquito bites and took three showers in a row (the heat was intense, man!). I greeted the owner and checked out.
Next thing I knew I was on my way to Phuket island (took a taxi and then a plane, obviously, I cannot teleport yet, but I still try hard every single time).

Hello-one of the most touristic sites in Thailand!!! yessir I'd like the mac n' cheese please!
So Phuket island is the gateway to a smaller and even more touristic island called Phi phi, which is where some dudes filmed the movie "the Beach" (followed by a sequel called "the... bitch") with Leo di Caprio (sigh sigh... NOT).

I got off the plane (again, I was getting used to that) and dragged my stuff as well as my self-esteem towards the nearest bus that would take me to Phuket town. I called my bro and HE PICKED UP!!! (as usually people do when their phones ring) I was soo hyped to hear his voice :):):) (I'm such a gay-tard, I know).

So I arrived at this Seven-Eleven sort of building (it WAS actually a 7/11) and saw this strangely familiar looking Thai boy that turned out to be my brother hahahaha. Guess the climate does get to you after a while... I hugged the bugger and then followed him into my soon-to-be hotel for the night.

We talked a while about the same stuff we always do... it was as if nothing had happened since the last time I'd seen the bastard, but it so happened that this time we were half way round the world from our very own Juriquilla, Mexico. Casual.

I met his roomie Mike from Canada and his neighbours (they took the TEFL course there and had extra good opinions about it, which made me smile even when I wasn't supposed to) and they were all awesome human beings who cared about my bro and certainly looked after him. There was also this Irish guy who kept saying that I was supposed to have a moustache because I was mexican or some shite, so I laughed and cried a little on the inside as well. Boohoo cliches.

We went to the movies and had a couple of beers in-town and we talked about life and death and green curry. I had missed my brother so much, and I realized the size of it just then, teary eyed and the whole show. But I was glad to see him working hard and partying like an animal, like a kid his age is supposed to. Only that this dude was living in heaven, seriously... Phuket is one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen, WITH ELEPHANTS all over the freakin' place.

The next day we went to have a real Thai breakfast at a local restaurant, and I said my goodbyes with a nostalgic feel to it. I felt at home with those guys for some reason... it's hard to explain, but they had become a family of random people from all over the world sharing their everyday lives just for the fun of it.

I got on the plane (shit, it never ends!!) that headed its way towards Bang, the huge cock city and began to actually taste the beginning of my own little adventure. I was nearing the final destination of the trip: a very small town called Ban Phe, in the middle or rural Thailand. J-E-S-U-S DE V-E-R-A-C-R-U-Z.